This is how my life start here with my mother in law. Let me start after my wedding,I used clean my in laws house, at that time ,relatives from in laws they tell my mother in law,your daughter in law is very organized person,then she replied I will see after she come here.Then my husband used to tell me my mom will take care and treat u same as mom not like mother in law . Bcz we both have problem in our family,he has dad problem,he doesn't take care of children as dad,my mom doesn't take care that much like how sweet mom does it.his dad,doesn't clean himself by ownself,my mother in law need to tell him,cut ur nail,wash ur head properly,.
Anyway,why m sharing with u all this bcz I don't have my family member and not even my close friend in US,I have been living with this family almost four year,I have been compromising myself to adjust but after we got baby I can't live life ,how my mother in law wants us,this is our child,so we want to raise by ownself.
Let me start my main coversation,for me If I write I can explain myself better..!
My thought of life is never give problem to anyone,if u can't help anyone that's fine but at least don't give problem to anyone. Right now everyone says ladies and gents both have same rights ,to live but in India older times they treat lady different,but here we r in U.S. Now hopefully people look forward. So m not telling anyone to separate us from my mother in law bcz I know how she loves her sons ,I don't want to be a reason to separate them,and by some condition if we separate she can't live freely here,bcz my mother in law and father in law doesn't know how to ,drive,even they don't know that much English,if I talk about my father in law ,he only knows ABCD,he is very careless person. He first think about his food everytime,if my mother in law doesn't give on time,he will taunt her badly. My mother in law doesn't trust him that's why she doesn't sleep with him too,she thinks he will hit her then she going to die bcz earlier time he hit her that's why.
she has paranoia problem,mostly problem creates just because if spend money anywhere. Mostly parents is happy ,if they see their son and daughter in law enjoy life and happy together but m unlucky bcz she gets jealous if we r happy ,we romance ,enjoy life together. When I was in India ,Nilesh used to call me and we talk long time.after I arrive here she taunt us,Nilesh close door and talk with you long time.when she heard her sister's daughter doesn't talk to her husband,she was telling me,they should talk on ph.,how Hippocrates she is. When were visiting diffrent state,she was telling everyone and your family will think My son has lot of money,we didn't visit any state yet,after we work hard ,Is it my fault ? Then also she was telling Brother in law's wife will think ,my husband doesn't take me that many places,bcz Brother in law'doesn't earn that much money ,is that my fault too? She mostly do mentally torture us because we take care of her and everyone in our house. She also many times says that we will leave house,you and My son can stay in this house,just because we are married she use this word to us. If Brother in law tell her rough words,sometimes hurt her but Brother in law can yell at her that's why she doesn't tell Brother in law that many words,because we keep quite and think about her feeling,she just take advantage.when My husband and Brother in law go outside ,it's ok for her,if they spend money she tell them regular voice sometime but if I go with them or with only My husband ,she started taunting,she doesn't speak to us properly next day or couple of day.
Before I start work here,I used to do mostly all home chore in house,one day one village lady was telling her,whole day she is working,then mother in law replied her,nothing new can happened if she works all day,she is home so she does it,just bcz I don't go to work,she treat me like maid,do all work. In our home we have to watering lawn it's really hard,bcz it takes lot of times,extra we take care of flowers in garden and planted veggie so take care of that too,so by the time I make chapatis I need to run outside to change fountain to put other place,so I asked my father in law to watering flower one day ,he complained to mother in law so she yelled at everyone ,include me,how u lazy all ,u can't do this,I really felt bad bcz even I do all things she taunt me too lazy????. After we wake up we usually make our bedroom bed first ,but my mother in law wants to do others first,bcz one day she was taunting me,u don't like to make dipesh's bed,so I started after his first and then ours. She tells world I consider You my daughter but she does not. That's what makes me extra angry,she offer me food,but it's not worth it.bcz her word can destroy all things,hurt my heart and soul ????.
After sometime ,I took care of mostly responsibility at home ,she was telling us,u r doing this bcz u r going to sponsor ur family,which I told her no everytime. My grand ma says after My husband got here we will go temple so we went.so mother in law telling me,u guys done something to my Nilesh just bcz we took him to temple. Even her word u guys play my son like puppet,u will empty my son bcz I was calling my dad to UAE,but still I was calling him only per week and with discount card. After I learned driving,she asked me to take her mostly everywhere ,so before I start work,when we go for grocery shopping,she says don't use credit card,I will use money so I let her do it,but one day in home telling everyone in home,I don't want to spend money that's why I don't use credit card. She is also two sided person too.
When my sister was going to get married,we were talking about to go India,at that time she is concerned about my pregnancy I get it but she always has worry about money we r going to spend,so she was telling me u r stubborn,which is I Am not because we were going to ask you than going to take decisions ,she was telling In rough words,lots of 1000 dollars u are going to waste it.after I got pregnant earlier I wasn't feeling good,so usually I lied on bed,not by myself bcz my body doesn't let me work that much,but she was thinking,m doing drama,she says don't u see I have leg pain,u r letting me do it,what's her problem is,she wants to do everything on her time,if we do our time,she don't want to wait then she complain. Nobody ask her to do things . I know food is priority,if she gets hungry she can cook and eat,if none of us able to cook than we can buy it from outside.whats her problem is she do things,then counting to me,which I hate it,then she complain????. She was telling me ur part time is work is not enough,while I wasn't feeling good during my pregnancy.
Let's talk about after pregnancy,of course she is excited about her grandkid but she wasn't prepared for my c section ,I get it but still she need to understand . After discharged and couple of days,I wasn't feeling 100%,dizziness and not concentration. Then she was telling me,you will have to do work in home after couple of days,I don't like it what she said,bcz I wasn't feeling good that's why I wasn't able to do home chores,then I started to do but without rest and not enough sleep ,I got exhausted ,more dizziness ,so I left to do all things,how I used to do earlier. I have back pain so she was telling me,we never had this much pain in our time,like m doing drama. Then my hand is hurting too,so we got nursing pillow so she says our hand never get pain while we're breastfeeding ,she is telling me wrong way ,she wants me to feel guilty.
When we woke up late because earlier we both were take care of our son in night,because of my c section,she does things in home ,then she was telling My husband,u guys are waking up late,she is taunting in gujrati words. Right now ,m breastfeeding my son,so mostly I need time for him,but when he cries ,I hold him he stops crying at that time she says,we can't hold him 24 hours,she make faces because sometimes she is cooking,but m mom of newborn now,can't do home chores how she wants.now I mostly try to pump out milk if possible if I get a chance,then I give mihir to her,so she can enjoy with him,because that what she want to do and I can do home chore but m not machines ,when press button ,milk comes I can take out????.
If i doesn't talk to her,she tells m making face,I try to avoid talk to her ,but if I talk to her,like friendly but I don't know how she takes my talk so this is only one example,that day for me holding mihir long time tough so I was telling her,it will be hard for you mom to hold our son if she wants take him while walk. After couple day she was telling My husband, Ur wife was telling I can't handle your son so why don't you guys keep lady for her? Right now she is telling My husband just because she realized I have baby blues problem,that how she knows because I was driving on highway while we were going to see dr.mazel and for her appointment with Shefali ,my mind wasn't 100% so I made a mistake I didn't pay attention to other lane but we saved by Gods grace just by chance that's why she got it,m having baby blues and I told her earlier day story too,I can't remember things to do,I don't have attention to do on time,that's why.
One day my husband's aunt praised me and My husband,because how we behave properly with everyone,we try to help other people and family member and I take mostly repponsibility at home,that's why she doesn't like it,because she thinks shardamashi only praised me,not her which she doesn't like it.living with her is really became difficult for me,even I try to avoid her words but never know when she is going to think other way then she will taunt me. I don't have right to speak or cry in our house because if she wants she can tell everyone whatever she wants doesn't matter if anyone hurt or not,if I tell anyone anything,m bad person,m asking them to do things because don't they do properly I yell at them,which she knows ,his son is doing thing not properly. If I cry she was telling me,what kind of sorrow we gave to you?why are you crying? Is that a question she should ask me. After all of this you read ,just let me know ,m not a common person,I don't have feeling? Earlier I wasn't care about myself,but now I worry about our son,that's why I need to take care of myself too.
Still I can write a lot ,what is going on but this should be enough ,you can understand our situation . I can trust on you that's why I share all feelings with you. Please suggest and help us ,whatever will works,we will give it a try. Main thing is she is not going to be ready for physiatrist or therapist.
Will appreciate your help..